Expectations and Reality: the great divide

by evergreenovella

There is a gap between our expectations and reality. Between how we think life should be and how it actually ends up. The most obvious examples of this expectation discrepancy in my life have been in career and relationships.

As a fifth grader, or even as a senior in college, I thought I had a pretty good sketch in my mind of where my personality, life skills, and passions would lead me. I’ve made my best attempts in these areas over the years, trying to listen to my heart and go with my gut. The landscape looks different viewing it in hindsight after the storm of the moment settles. Even the best of us trying to keep our bearings get pushed into unknown waters.

The second is in relationships. I was reading this morning on Twitter about the salary taboo and #talkpay and it reminded me of another cultural taboo. People don’t really talk about their experience or lack of experience in relationships honestly. Teen movies (and pretty much every indie film I’ve seen lately) have no qualms about reveling in sexual awakening or showing broken attempts at relationship. I ask myself, are they creating the semi-reality they wish to experience? Are their portrayals really status quo? So many more times I feel pulled away from that experience¬†by external circumstances–like career–and the words go unspoken.

I am nearly 27.
I have never been in a dating relationship.
I have never been kissed.
I am a virgin.

Some days I feel completely alone in this as I am bombarded with media where the only proof of worth for an individual lies in a romantic relationship. Their stance seems to be “a broken relationship is better than none at all.” It’s hard to resist the pull of the prevalent agenda. My life has been part choice, part opportunity, and part provision.

Oh, to find my worth in something greater than the fickle affections of another as broken as I. This is my lesson for the weekend. I don’t know how long it will stay.


Upon reflection:

After a day of the above post sitting in my drafts, it’s amazing how much perception shifts with a change in expectation. I don’t know how my life will turn out, but I am still willing to wait to and see what blessings are to come. I am not resigned to my fate, I praise God for it, because I know there is a reason. I may not understand that reason right now, but I submit to it come what may.